Several of one of the most enjoyable quotes, in our viewpoint, are those that are not only witty, but likewise sensible– communicating some axiom. Funny Jokes quotes regarding life, love, and also relationship– those that we can connect to– are particularly humorous. Kurt Vonnegut once quipped, “The most effective jokes threaten, as well as hazardous because they are in some way genuine.”.
In this listing of 100 amusing Jokes quotes worth chuckling over, we have actually attempted to include a zinger for everyone, whether it’s an informative quote, a silly claiming, or an ironic wisecrack.
‘Quotes have the tendency to be created to influence and inspire us however a few of them are as well funny that we can’t quit our own selves from giggling like crazies. So we are bringing those 100 Jokes Quotes and also Sayings with image in lime-light making your day packed with delights.’.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I’m in show business… I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.
I ain’t shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war’s over, I’ll be the faggot with two legs.
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man lie is, “I was at Kevin’s house!” A woman lie is like, “It’s your baby!”
If a kid calls his grandma “Mommy” and his mama “Pam”, he’s going to jail!
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don’t gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! “I believe you have my property!”
It’s hard for a man to turn down sex … if they chase us, we can’t run that fast.
Right now, my job is that I’m like an ambulance chaser. I’ve got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
ever go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain’t got one.
School shootings were invented by blacks… and stolen by the white man.
Who’s judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?
You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you’re up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.
A black man failing black history… ain’t that some sad shit….. cuz you know, fat people don’t fail cooking!
A man is only as faithful as his options.
A white boy that makes C’s in college can make it to the White House.
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I mean, they don’t grade fathers. But if your daughter’s a stripper, you fucked up.
George Bush has fucked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! People are like “give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra…anything but another white man! That last one fucked up my roof!”
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
When I heard they were trying and get rid of the word “nigga”, I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of “coon”.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Don’t argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a argument. It’s impossible you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
I had a cop pull me over the other day, scared me so bad, made me think I stole my own car. “Get out of the car, get out of the fucking car! You stole this car!” I was like ‘damn, maybe I did!’.
You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.
If you’re black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.
They’re working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I’m a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.”
People are starving all over the world, what do you mean, “red meat will kill you”? Don’t eat no red meat? No, don’t eat no green meat. If you lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the shit out of it!
We got so much food in America we’re allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain’t allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda’s got a fucking lactose intolerance?!
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn’t a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.
I was at Michael Jackson’s house, and this kid runs out, ‘Wait, save me!’
There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn’t some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.
Not a Harvard-type education, … Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
That’s right, “tell your mama”, “tell your mama”, “tell your mama” … nobody tells daddy shit!
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn’t pay for the electricity, he’d pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.
Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don’t like gays? You’re gonna have a gay son. You don’t like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter’s gonna come home with Livin’ La Vida Loca!
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
Community college is like a disco with books: “Here’s ten dollars; let me get my learn on!”
I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they’d let me join the Ku Klux Klan!
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma