Sharing the best nerd jokes for our blog readers If you not reached the nerd jokes so you are coping jokes in this blog and share our friends and relatives so funny one liner jokes and hilarious mix jokes i can provide the big collection of nerd jokes to make your smile on your face. you’re a big fan of science and you tend to be on the awkward side in social situations? I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re probably a nerd. Good news is, nerds are taking over the Internet (and the world, it seems), so you’re in good company. But how about you put your fun math exercises aside for a minute and check out these nerdy science one-liners that are weirdly entertaining!
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, “We got him!”
What is a cation afraid of?
Heisenberg is pulled over by a cop who asks him, “Do you know how fast you were womengoing?”
Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know where I am.”
A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says, “I’m sorry, we don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.”
The Higgs Boson says, “But how can you have mass without me?”
Where does bad light end up?
A logician’s wife is having a baby. Straight after the birth the doctor hands the baby to the father. The wife asks impatiently, “Is it a boy or a girl?”
The logician replies, “Yes.”
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0k now.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It’s down to its last quarter.
Have you heard about the sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
C, E flat and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
What is a physicist’s favorite food?
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but really mean your mother.
What do you call two crows on a branch?
My teacher said to me, “Name two pronouns.”
I said, “Who, me?”
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The distinction between “you’re” and “your” might not look like much to some, but confusing the two can deeply annoy those of us who value good grammar. Following the rules of grammar makes your texts clearer and more respectable.
Windows Vista supports real multitasking – it can boot and crash simultaneously.
The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed Linux.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.
My attitude isn’t bad. It’s in beta.
Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
Unix is user friendly. It’s just selective about who its friends are.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Bugs come in through open Windows.
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a 14.4k dial up connection.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
Learning the difference between homophones like “horde” and “hoard” will also help you stay out of trouble with the grammar police. We suggest checking out this list of grammar puns so you know how to stay on their good side!
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What is another name for a computer virus?
A: A terminal illness
Q: What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink?
A: A slipped disk
Q: How can you tell if a computer geek is an extrovert?
A: They stare at your shoes when you talk instead of their own.
Q: Why did the programmer use the entire bottle of shampoo during one shower?
A: Because the bottle said “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”
Q: How does a network administrator nerd greet people who come to his house?
A: Welcome to 127.0.0.1
Q: Why can’t cats work on the computer?
A: They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H20.”
The second one says, “I’ll have some H20 too.”
The second one dies.
Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
A burger is in its ground state.
Schrodinger gets pulled over by a cop. The cop searches the trunk and says, “Do you know there’s a dead cat in here?”
Schrodinger says, “Well I do now!”
My friend Power has been stressed all week. His boss keeps making him work overtime.
If you’re not part of the solution…
You’re part of the precipitate.
Why did I divide Sin by Tan?
Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar and doesn’t.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a drink?
Descartes says, “I think not” and then he disappears.
The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club.
There are two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides of first?
The one with the lowest mew
How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – one to hold the light bulb and one to rotate the universe.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
“Don’t you mean a martini?” asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!”
There are only two hard things in computer science – cache invalidation, naming things and off-by-one errors.
Entropy isn’t what it used to.
What do you call an educated tube?
A graduated cylinder.
A Buddhist monk goes up to a hot dog stand and says to the vendor, “Make me one with everything.
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”
The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
The second logician says, “I don’t know.”
The third logician says, “Yes.”
People who appreciate good grammar must get so frustrated by the sloppy wording which is so commonplace on the Internet nowadays. It’s not that difficult to know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, although there seems to be a number of people unable to grasp it. There’s also the fact that bad grammar can sometimes make a sentence sound very different to the way they’re intended! For all you grammar enthusiasts out there, we have the post you’ve been waiting for! Take a look at these 14 hilarious jokes for grammar nerd jokes and enjoy!